I Heart The Beautiful Bastard

I mentioned in last week's Saturday Sparklers that I just started reading the fan fic piece The Office by tby789. What I should have said is that I love every single, lemon-filled word of it and basically want to be transported into the story in the role of Bella.

I want to be you. Badly.

The Office is panty melting HOT. A delicious, mouth-watering lemon waits for you in every chapter. Edward Cullen is a bastard, and Bella is a bit of a bitch, and when that bursts into passion filled, mind blowing sex sessions, my oh my. Panties, puddle on the floor.

Is this proper work attire? It is if you want your hot boss to screw you on the conference table.

And if the amazing sex scenes weren't enough, The Office is actually really well written. Really well. The story is fantastic. I won't give anything away, because you should go read it yourself, and I don't want to spoil all the excellence for you (hey, I might not be pure about everything, but I won't spoil a perfectly good, smutty piece of fanfic for you). The flip flop chapters between Edward and Bella's POVs add even more to the story, because getting to see both sides of this story? Excellent, indeed.

Let us end with this: this is the person you can be thinking about while you reading all the smuttastic chapters. A tasty end thought, no? You're welcome.

Hello ladies. I'm looking for an assistant. Anyone interested?

I know that tby789 already has a big following, so perhaps you have already started reading The Office and are anxiously awaiting new chapters. But if you haven't, you must read The Office. You can thank me later.

A Wedding Dress For Bella: The Good, The Bad, and The WTF

Warning: Breaking Dawn SPOILER. (Well, fashion-wise at least.)

InStyle has done a feature with sketches of designer wedding dresses for Bella. Let's review, Twidic Style.

The Good:

The Lela Rose dress (L) is young, but still has that Victorian feel to it. And the Monique Lhuilliar(R) dress is a modern twist on the whole Anne of Green Gables look. It's probably the most like the book description, in my opinion.

The Bad:

Sorry Prabal Gurung (L), but that dress is ridiculous. Seriously, did you even read Stephanie Meyer's description? Because I don't think "Bella's ass hung out of her modern wedding dress" was part of the story. And Badgley Mischka (R)? It also didn't say Edward was marrying someones grandmother.

The What the Fuck:

Brian Reyes, I haven't even heard of you, but me thinks you might not be a fashion designer. Maybe I don't have enough high-end fashion cred (which is, in fact, quite likely) but I don't see any type of dress in this hot mess of a sketch. Bella can't wear a scribble on her wedding day. Sorry Brian.

You can click here to see the rest.

Saturday Sparklers

The best of the week, solely based on the opinion of Twidiculous Wives. And since it's our blog, our opinion matters.

Cutie wraps up the Wide Awake Chapter discussions with the help of KG from I Heart Mythical Creatures.

The second official New Moon trailer is out! Check it out over at New Moon the Movie.

Thank God it's not that dumb chick from High School Musical! Leah and Seth are cast. Confessions of a TwiCrack Addict has the scoop.

And for your reading pleasure: The Office. Yeah, I know that I was slow to start this one, but my oh my.

One last thing: The Vampsicle. Seriously people, it's real. Don't read this at work. Or in front of children. Or if you are faint of heart. Twitarded checked it out (not literally...I think).

Friday Fanmade Poster = Fantastic

Um...hello. Should this not be the official New Moon poster? Isn't this what we all want to see?

Bella and shirtless Edward in a passionate kiss with no dogs in sight. Ah yes.

Now all I need to do is to work some Face in the Hole magic a la Latchkey Wife....

We're Just A Bit Slutty Here, And We're Not Ashamed

So, I've been noticing a trend lately in the Twilight blogesphere. Everybody's getting all pure on me. Suddenly, everyone wants to be a born-again Twi-Virgin. And I don't think I likey.

I mean don't get me wrong, I love me some Cutie, I basically worship the girls over at We Bite Pretty Hard, but ladies, how can you want to go all virgin about these people?

I would make out with each and everyone of you. Especially you on the left.

I understand what you're thinking. Really, I do. New Moon overload has been crazy. Trailers, leaked scenes and images, crazy cast sighting. It's all so much. It was so hard to pull yourself away. Maybe you feel that you've ruined your New Moon viewing pleasure by soiling yourself with twipeeks at all the shenanigans. Maybe you're thinking that you just want to watch Eclipse with a pure mind and be totally taken in by all the magic. That's to be commended. But, unfortunately, that's not how something like virginity works.

I hate to break it to you, but virginity? I think we all know there's no going back. It's one of those things that you just can't change. So maybe all the trailers, cast interviews, set stalking for New Moon is a bit like that guy you wished you'd never crawled into the backseat with after a couple of tequila shots junior year, but yeah. You can try and pretend that never happened when the cute innocent boy/third movie installment comes along, but it did. And deep down, you'll always just be a little slutty. Because virginity is something you can give away. But you ain't really getting it back.

So unless you're Cutie, in all your twivirgin white (we bow in respect for your true pureness), you might as well give it up and enjoy the Eclipse smut. Really, no one here will judge you. We are all quite comfortable in our twi-whore ways.

~SW

100 Days Left, Bitches!

That's right everyone, we have a hit a crucial mark: only 100 days until New Moon opens in theaters!

I am SO ready. Ready to camp out the night before (with my portable DVD player and copy of Twilight movie). Ready to represent with my Team Edward tee shirt. Ready to boo any time Jacob pops up on the screen. Ready to cry when Edward leaves. Ready to swoon over the hotness that is Robert Pattinson. Ready to fight off anyone that tells me that our Tinys don't deserve a seat of their own. Ready to hold my own with the scores of teenagers that will be trying to prove they are bigger fans then me. Oh yes. I. AM. READY.

November: prepare yourself for twidiculousness.

Good. No one wants you to change, sugar.

Just For Fun...

OK, so SW and I are pretty obsessed with Wide Awake, by Angstgoddess03. I came across these fan-made movie trailers for the story and I thought I'd share them. Enjoy!








They almost make me cry... *sniff*

Saturday Sparklers

In case you missed them:

The Twitards are drowning in Edwards, Mini and not so Mini.

TwiSessed reviews Twilight (the movie ) and converts a Team Jacob member (maybe there's hope for my former friend.)

Cutie from Super Secret Twilight Blog guest posted for Tasha (one of our absolute favorites here at TwidiculousWives) over at Something Less Productive, and let me tell you: hi-lar-i-ous. And may just make you, ahem, notice Emmett. And his dimples. *swoon*

And it's come to my attention that not everyone has read Wide Awake (cough, QP, cough). The best f'ing piece of fanfic ever. Go. Read. Or we maybe can't be friends anymore.

And what's this? A little celebrity stalking never hurt anyone. Check out what Moon over at Letter's to Twilight saw....

The Betrayal

My best friend, who we'll call Birdy here, and I have always traded book recommendations back and forth. So, obviously, after I had devoured the Twilight Saga, I immediately told her she needed to read it. She had no desire. She thought I was crazy. She refused, repeatedly. But I was persistent. I recruited our other friend, who'll be known as Bunny, who is also a twicrazy, and we started in on her. A typical conversation:

"You'll love it. It's an epic romance!"

"It's about vampires. What's romantic about that?"

"Gah! Sexy vampires! You don't understand, this is the best love story EVER."

"Ever? I highly doubt that. It's a book written for teenagers."

"You don't know what you're talking about. And how have you not seen this movie? Have you seen a picture of Robert Pattinson?"

"Who?"

"Oh my GOD!"

But finally, finally, we have worn her down. Last week, she started the books. She flew through Twilight and even admitted that it was really good. I started imagining long, meaningful conversations between the two of us about our love of Robert Pattinson and what it would be like to live like a Cullen. Perhaps she could meet the Tinys. Bunny immediately loaned her New Moon to read. And that's where my trouble began.

I never thought that this would happen to me. I've heard about this happening to other people, but it certainly wouldn't, couldn't happen to me. But it has. And I just don't know what to do.

Birdy is on Team Jacob.

I tried to explain to her that Edward was way superior. I pointed out that he sparkles, that he loves Bella in a way beyond soul mates, that he doesn't turn into an animal, that he's sexyhot. She didn't buy it. Jacob is so nice, she says. He just wants to save Bella's life, she says. He's human and so cute, she says.

Just say NO to werewolves.

And then this, with disapproval in her voice: "Edward's a vampire. He's too fancy (fancy?!). He wants to eat her. He's going to have to change her."

And this is a bad thing? I was waiting for that shit from the ballet studio on!

And then the worst part of all: "I don't know if I should finish these books. If she doesn't end up with Jacob, I'll be disappointed. Can we still be friends?"

No. No. NO. Someone kill me.

Bunny is doing her best (note: Birdy and Bunny live in a different state then me). She's taking the movie over to Birdy's house this weekend to show her the benefits of Robward. Surely this will sway her? How could she resist Robward? She can't, right?

Don't worry SW, I'll take care of this.

I don't know that I can get past this. I mean, seriously, were we reading the same book? Did she have her nose in some special edition Jacob-is-alright version? Because I cannot fathom how anyone could be Team Jacob when Edward is around. I must destroy her and her Team Jacob nonsense....

Calendar Pictures

EYE CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Enjoy **QP**

RAY BAN' S ABUSED

One of my favorite scenes in TWILIGHT, is the school parking lot scene with the Ray Bans. Edward looks HOT!!! But it became even hotter when I realized ROBPATZ totally ROCKS them " In Real Life". I want a pair of these overpriced shades, just so I feel like I have a little piece of him with me.

TODAY I STUMBLED UPON THIS..............................
Maybe some of you have seen this Teen Wolf trying to copy cat Robward. But I'm not a fan in the least of Jacob's, so I don't find myself surfing the web for random pics or articles about him. I nearly choked when I saw this. There is just so much about this picture that is wrong. If only I were the construction worker behind him. I would run up behind him, push him down to the ground and yell, "BAD DOG"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And maybe throw in a kick or two for laughs:)
**QP**

Jacksper and a Fanfic Recommendation

I won't lie. I kinda have a thing for Jackson/Jasper. Don't get me wrong, I love me some/frequently fantasize about Rob/Edward, but there's something about skinny musician-actors/vampires that try so hard to be good but can't resist the urge to lung at you with blood lust.

Need more Jasper? Read this fanfic: South. Not smutty, but angsty and good.

Need more Jackson? Check out more photos here.

Saturday Sparklers

The Weekly Round Up of Twitasticness:

Victoria's been replaced and it sucks ass: Lauren's Bite says take a stand, bloggers. We couldn't agree more.

The New Moon Official Movie Website. If you haven't checked it out, do. Because of images like this:

Oh my.

Kellen Lutz at play. Wow.



And finally, for some hilarious Texts From Last Night, check out We Bite Pretty Hard's Twilight Text finds.