Attention: I Hate Jacob and Here's Why.

There's no room for you, Taycob, in this twosome.

In case we haven't made it clear, we are a tad bit excited that New Moon is coming out next month. However, I want to make something very clear. Despite New Moon being a big Jacob franchise, we are firmly Team Edward. We don't really care for Jacob much. And after reading Letters to Twilight's fantastically funny post today about Team affiliation, I thought I'd climb up on my soap box and give my opinion.

Ahem. Hi all. My name is SW and I am Team Edward. Hard-core. After reading Twilight and then watching the movie and getting a visual of the perfection that is Edward Cullen, I fell madly in love with him. When I read New Moon and he left I was beside myself. I hated that Bella kept spending time with Jacob (go hang out with Angela, idiot). And then there was Eclipse. I hated how selfish, how ridiculous Bella was throughout that book (and yes, it did annoy me that Edward didn't just suck it up and fight for his girl instead of being all mature and shit and taking the fucking high road. Or at least pretending to take the high road.). But nothing compared to my hatred of Jacob. The mouth rape for starters. No means no, asshole. And the general being mean to Bella. Not the way to win the girl. Of course, stupid Bella keeps going back for more, keeps forgiving him. When she should just say, "Look dude, I'm sorry about this, but you and I can't hang out anymore. I'm busy trying to seduce my vampire boyfriend/true love forever into sex before marriage and you are putting a crimp in that. Plus you forced kissed me and you are generally douche-y. Laters."

And then there is the infamous real kiss. I hated hated hated this scene. There was nothing I liked about it. Nothing. When I read it, I slammed the book shut and had this conversation with Mr. W:

SW, yelling: "What the hell, bitch! Oh my God!"

Mr. W, looking at me with worry: "Who are you talking about?"

SW: "Bella. What a bitch."

Mr. W, confused and amused: "Bella? The character in those books you're reading? She's not real, honey."

SW, pissed off at Bella and Mr. W: "Shut up. You don't even know what you're talking about."

I hated Jacob for being such a fuckstick to fake that he was going to kill himself if Bella wouldn't kiss him. And I hated Bella for believing him, and doing it. In hindsight, I can give Bella a little credit here. She's confused by this friend-love and the supernatural force that is pulling them together since she's going to give birth to the object of Jacob's imprint. Not to mention the poor girl is sexually frustrated by the hot boyfriend who won't get naked with her. Combine all those factors and you have her living out her sexual wants for Edward transferred into Jacob, even though she doesn't seem to realize that at the time. But still, you're engaged to someone you want to love forever. Quit kissing other people! And yes, I know they're teenagers. But still. Hate Jacob's manipulative ass. Even more I hate how he tries to be all high and mighty at the end when she chooses Edward. Whatever shithead.

Breaking Dawn did make it a little easier to like Jacob a bit. However, when I first came across Part II in Jacob's perspective, I nearly stopped reading it. But I moved forward and it all worked out okay. And because I know how it all turns out, I can enjoy New Moon the Movie even more. Thank you.

So there you have it. SW's take on what Team is the right Team. And I think we all know the answer to that, right?